Doubts and Fears
by aretha85
Summary: 2.16. War- A.U. Mike didn't betray Harvey to save himself. He did it to save the man he loved. When Harvey realizes that, he tries to get him back but his cruel words have left Mike broken. Is it already too late? Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are not my property, just having fun with them ;-)

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CHAPTER 1

_"…__shut your mouth! I risked everything for you. Then I did it again and again... You don't work for Jessica. You work for me... I didn't think you would ever betray me... Turns out you're not the best lawyer I've ever seen."_

Harvey's words cut Mike to the bone. He left what now was going to be Pearson-Darby thinking that if he gave his boss time to think and calm down, then they would get through this. But it was midnight and Harvey hadn't called him yet, hadn't even texted him. He tiredly lifted himself from the couch and got to the door. He had to find him and explain or risk losing him.

The trek to Harvey's condo was faster than usual with Mike having to literally run there, trying to keep himself warm. In his haste he had forgotten his jacket and the late winter of New York was unforgivable.

The doorman let him in with a slight nod and a smile.

_"__At least he hasn't banned me from his building. That's something, I guess…"_, Mike thought and entered the lift. Not Harvey's private glass elevator but the public one; he didn't want to go too far tonight. His lover though was already waiting for him, blocking the entrance to his apartment, arms crossed and shoulders stiff.

"What the hell are you doing here Mike?"

Mike rolled his eyes and shouldered past him. Harvey closed the door behind them but remained unyielding, his mouth a hard line of betrayal. They never made it past the hall.

"Harvey come on. You need to let me explain." Mike muttered anxiously, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"What could you possibly have to say to me Mike? That you are sorry?" At that Mike looked up incredulous.

"I have nothing to be sorry for!" Harvey let out a cruel laugh. "And if you just listen to me…" the younger man tried to continue but he was cut midsentence.

"Shut up!" He took a couple of steps forward and into Mike's personal space and gritted through his teeth. "I allowed you in every aspect of my life and look what that got me. I want you out… I need you out... You've done nothing but make me lose face."

"I thought that we wouldn't let anything happening in the office to affect what we have at home." Mike swallowed the lump in his throat.

"You didn't just screw up with a case Mike, you screwed ME. What am I supposed to do with that?"

The blond let his fingers tangle with the man's in front of him, his eyes and his voice pleading. "You don't understand…"

"Dammit Mike!" Harvey yanked his hand away and crashed his fist on the wall beside him. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself and when he spoke again it was with a cold resolution that left Mike trembling. "Get out of my house… And get out of my life… We are done…"

"You don't mean that… You can't mean that…" Mike was openly crying now. "I don't know how to be… I am nobody without you" he whispered the last part, but Harvey caught it anyway.

"You are nobody" he softened his voice to match Mike's but it sounded wrong, unexpectedly unemotional from the man that had given him so much. But what could he do? He was always aware of Harvey's fears about them and it had taken him a while to make him open up. And once he did, the man he saw had the most beautiful, kind and giving soul he had ever seen. Donna had made him promise something after seeing them together; that he would never do something to compromise that, that he would fight for that Harvey with everything he got. But the man he had in front of him now was the closer he met the day his life changed forever. The man who cared about no one and nothing. And the worst part? Harvey knew that he was destroying him with his words and he did it anyway. Doubts started flowing in his heart. _"If he ever loved me how could he disregard me like that? He doesn't care to listen so he won't, no matter what I do. Time to let him go… Let him be Harvey again."_

He stepped closer to him and caught him in a hug, his body clinging to the taller man's as he whispered an apology. Harvey's body remained rigid.

"I thought you had nothing to be sorry for".

Mike took a step back and shook his head, tears running down his face.

"I'm sorry you feel I didn't love you enough, but I do… Be happy Harvey…" This was the first time the word _love_ was uttered between them and they both realized it. Harvey shut his eyes tight and let Mike walk to the door.

"On Monday you are back in the associates' pool." He kept his back to Mike and Mike froze.

"I don't want to work with anybody else. I stayed there for you."

"That's not my problem."

"Alright then. Goodbye Harvey."

Mike let the door close with a soft click behind him and ran to the elevator. He missed the loud thud as Harvey collapsed against the door.

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So? How is it looking so far?


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

A week had passed and Harvey was restless. He managed not to get a glimpse of Mike around the office and he didn't know if he should be thankful for whichever senior partner kept him busy (_"Not me"_) or be miserable. He missed him… He missed him with everything he got but he vowed to himself not to let anyone that close ever again because at the end of the day, work issues aside, Mike hadn't trusted him to take care of him and protect him. He chose himself instead of _them_ while he knew what this would do to their relationship. And yes, in his mind Harvey always referred to it as a relationship even when most of the time he treated Mike like he was something slightly more than a convenient and comfortable and no-strings-attached fuck. He kept doing that even after it became clear that the younger man knew better. But he didn't care. Why talk about it when they were both aware of what was going on?

Now Donna was angry at him, Jessica would look at him with a mixture of worry and disappointment and Louis wouldn't stop annoying him. Speaking of the devil…

"Harvey, I need your help."

"Tell you what Louis. Get out, knock, and if I say come in then come in."

"Wait a minute. You are not busy which means you've gone introspective. And Donna still let me in without a word which means…Trouble in paradise Harvey?"

"What do you want?" Harvey let out a tired sigh and rubbed his eyes.

"I'll let that slide because I'm too busy being important with this huge case."

"For which you need my help", the closer smirked. "Why don't you go get Mike? Or is he not so appealing now that you don't have to pry him away from me?"

"Harvey, what are you talking about? Mike left."

The amused expression dropped from Harvey's face like a lightning. "What? When?"

"Last week. Wait, are you telling me that you are only hearing about this now? What the hell happened between you two?"

"Donna, get you gorgeous ass in here" the lawyer spoke through the always open intercom and a few seconds later the fiery redhead entered the office.

"What?" She crossed her arms in front of her and stared at her boss vehemently.

"You knew about this?" She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd care. You were the one who wanted him out of your life."

Louis was looking between them with his mouth hanging open. "Are we still talking about work?"

"Shut up Louis!" Senior partner and secretary yelled at the same time.

"Did Jessica do this?"Donna's faced softened. "No Harvey. You did this…" Harvey got up, buttoned his jacket out of habit and made for the door. "You are lying and I'm going to fix this. He wouldn't just leave he didn't even have any remorse about what happened. Besides, this job meant the world to him."

Donna stopped him with a hand on his arm and shook her head, sad. "You meant the world to him," she reasoned but Harvey shook her off and headed to Jessica's.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Lower your voice! You can't just barge in here like that in the middle of the workday." Jessica stood up and closed her office door. "What can I do for you Harvey?" she asked with false politeness.

"Mike." One word was enough for the both of them to tense even more and assume battle positions.

"Mister Ross handed me his resignation Monday morning."

"Bullshit! Like you didn't force him to!"

"You are forgetting who you are talking to!" the black woman stood tall and imposing in front of Harvey but he wouldn't budge. This was Mike's life. He had nothing outside work and no one to take care of him apart from a sick old grandmother. And it always worked the other way around nowadays, with Mike having to pay for medical bills and whatnot. That was another reason he wouldn't willingly leave, he needed this job.

"You got what you wanted Jessica. Why can't you just leave him alone?"

The stare contest started for what seemed like ages until Jessica let out a slow breath. "I don't know how we got to this, you not trusting me. I had no reason to see this kid destroyed after everything that happened." She sat herself on her plush sofa and left the lawyer thinking to himself.

"He wouldn't just leave like that," he murmured.

Jessica's mouth dropped in surprise. "Oh my god! You are in love with him!"

"What?" Harvey started.

"I thought you were just sleeping with him."

"You knew?"

"Oh please, I now you better than I know myself. But from that to love him? I didn't see that coming... And to get this over with, I didn't do anything Harvey, he quit."

Harvey shook his head and turned to leave, still contemplating his boss's words. Was he in love with Mike? What prompt him to defend him after such betrayal? Jessica watched him leave with curiosity and decided to give him something. He was mad at him, sure, but after everything they've been through together he deserved the truth from her.

"You know, when I told Mike to do my bidding or else he would find himself to prison he said no."

"But he sold me out anyway."

"True... After I told him that if he didn't care for himself, he should care what would happen to you if I was to have you disbarred."

Harvey froze with his hand on the doorknob.

"He did it to protect you Harvey. It is always about you with that kid. So much so that he didn't realize it was an empty threat."

"You manipulated his feelings for me." Harvey turned around to face her but he was so tired to shout. The burden of what he did to Mike just came down crashing him. Donna was right and he didn't even give his lover a chance to explain. Even if it was an empty threat, even if Mike still should have gone to him first and talk it out, he always acted out of the goodness of his heart. He really loved him, didn't he? He had told him so the other night but the only thing that he could think about at the time was how to throw him out of his life for good. _Shit!_

"To be honest, at the moment I thought I was going through his hero-worshipping you."

"You have no idea what you've done to me..." Harvey left with a pit in his stomach. He had to get Mike back and he had to do it yesterday.

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R&R if you like! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

A small transitional chapter. Thank you all for reading and the followings.

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CHAPTER 3

"Donna call Ray!"

"Already done! He'll be here in 10."

"Cancel…"

"All your evening appointments. I also shifted your tomorrow morning ones. You are free till noon."

"Thanks."

"Just… Get him back."

Harvey picked up his briefcase but paused before turning away. "You knew didn't you? What he did?"

"I'm Donna, I know everything."

"You should have told me."

"Like you would have listened. Besides, Mike felt that you should hear it from him. That if you cared about him enough you would listen and not shoot first and ask questions later."

Harvey sighed and leaned against the redhead's desk cradling his head between his arms. "You weren't there… What I said to him… I don't even know where to begin to fix it."

"An apology wouldn't hurt for starters."

"You didn't see him. He was holding on to me and crying and I was saying that he was a nobody and to get out of my life."

Donna sucked in a breath shocked. "I would hit you right now but I just got my manicure. Plus, you have turned into a big softie so it would be like hurting a baby. Maybe I should tell Louis to do it. You two share the same tenderness nowadays."

"Great, sarcasm. Just what I needed… See you tomorrow."

"Harvey wait! Seriously, something's going on. Me and Rachel have been calling every day and he doesn't pick up. I even tried his grandma'snursing home but the nurse who picked up said that Mr Ross has forbidden them to share information with anyone but him and she hung up to me."

"I'll do what I can. At least make him come back to work if he doesn't want to come back to me. I still can't believe he did that."

"Isn't it against the firm's policy to rehire those who resigned?"

"Jessica would have to make an exception."

"Or?"

"Or I'm out too. I owe it to Mike to at least fight for that."

"Great! Shall I start searching for companies that accept employees in trio?"

Harvey rolled his eyes and left the Pearson-Darby halls with heavy feet.

"Don't forget the flowers!" Donna yelled behind him but her eyes were full of tears that refused to shed. If Harvey lost Mike for good she wasn't sure that even she would be able to pick up the pieces. At least before, her friend had his anger to hold on to. Now what?


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Mike was in a pretty bad shape. He really meant what he said. He didn't fancy working with anyone else but Harvey. But a week had passed and Harvey obviously didn't care what had happened to him. He was kind of hoping that at least he would be worried enough about him to check how he was faring but that was too much to ask of The Great Harvey Specter. Now, six beers later and half a bottle of the cheapest whiskey he could find he was so sloshed he couldn't get up from the floor. It had been the worst week of his life and the last thing he needed was Rachel and Donna taking pity on him.

A loud knock on the door wasn't enough to make him get up. "Go away! I'll give you your damn money tomorrow!" _That stupid landlord. I only delayed a fucking day!_

"Mike... It's me..."

_Harvey? _

"You go away too!" and then he added to himself "I have nothing left to give to you."

A few minutes of silence passed but he wasn't so lucky. "_Damn! He knows where I hide the spare key" _he thought as he heard the keys jingling outside. Moments later, Harvey was on the floor beside him, back resting against the couch. He couldn't gather the strength to even look at him so he continued drinking straight from the bottle.

Harvey took in the scene around him. The air was stale and dozens of take-out boxes were littering the floor and the coffee table. He bypassed the alcohol, he couldn't offer any objections to that, until his eyes lingered on the small bag of pot. _"Don't get angry Harvey... Don't get angry... You did this."_

"You smoked?" _Great conversation opener for the man you broke his heart._

Mike let out a cruel laugh and ran his palm through his stubble and hair leaving them messier than before.

"I tried... I really, really tried. But all I could think about was your stupid face and how disappointed you were with me last time. Pathetic huh?"

"You are not pathetic Mike." The younger man snorted at that.

"But I am a nobody."

"You are not that either."

"Why are you here?" Harvey shook his head. He had a lot to say to the younger man but this was a conversation he preferred to have when both of them were sober.

"You are drunk. Let's get you to bed and we'll talk later."

"Why shouldn't I be? In six short days I lost everything."

"You didn't lose me. Mike, I'm so, so sorry. I don't even..."

"Who told you?"

"Jessica."

"Huh. Guilty conscience?"

"More like me being an ass... Look, Mike. What I'm trying to say is that we can get you your job back... And me if you still want me."

"Just like that? Am I supposed to forgive and forget?"

"No! No... I'll do anything to make you trust me again. I..." _Here goes nothing_, Harvey thought. "I love you too Mike. And I'm sorry I didn't say it when I should. Let me fix this... Just one more chance Mike."

The younger man let out a loud sob at that and dropped his head on Harvey's lap. The other man didn't even hesitate before pulling him closer and carding his fingers through his hair, his fingertips softly massaging his scalp.

"And what about grams?"

"What about her?"

"Can you bring her back? Can you fix that too Harvey?"

Harvey felt like he was suddenly drenched in ice-cold water. "When?"

"Two days ago. I buried her this morning. Harvey... I can't... I can't breathe..."

"Shh, it's ok baby, I'm here, I've got you." He picked him up and laid him gently on the bed.

"Don't leave." Mike murmured sleepily.

"Where else am I gonna go?" he kissed him softly on the lips, shed his jacket and shirt and joined him, holding him as close to him as possible. He would get them through this. "_I can't believe I let him deal with this alone"_, was his last conscious thought before he let sleep take him even if it was the middle of the day.

Mike woke up a couple of hours later feeling like something had crawled in his mouth and died. He didn't have much time to ponder on it though as a delicious smell came from the kitchen. _"Right... Harvey..."_

He didn't feel ready to face him yet so he opted for a shower first. But even that couldn't delay him too much.

Harvey had set the table and was waiting for him.

"Hey. Eggs and bacon, the perfect recipe for hangovers."

"Not that you would find anything else around here anyway."

The two men sat down and started eating in silence. When they were both full and Harvey got up to do the dishes Mike figured it was time to open the can of worms.

"Are you going to tell me what are you still doing here? Or was me making a fool of myself two times already not enough?"

Harvey wiped his hands in a rag and walked back to Mike, kneeling in front of him and taking his hands in his.

"I meant what I said Mike. I do love you... And I will do anything to get you back. Whatever you need just name it."

"It's not that simple."

"I know... I know... But I love you and, if you let me, I'll do everything in my power to show it to you for the rest of our lives. Because that's what it's gonna be Mike. You and me. You are it for me even if I never got my head out of my ass to say it." He leaned in for a kiss but Mike shook his head and pulled back.

"I... Did you mean it when you said I can come back to work?"

"I'll talk to Jessica."

"I would like that. I need something to keep me occupied. I need to stop thinking about her... And you... I'm going to need more time to think about you..."

"OK... OK... Whatever you need...Just talk to me alright?"

"I think you should go now. I'm just tired, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. I'll call you when you can come back to work."

And he left, this time managing to steal a kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Two months! Two fucking months Mike was back to work and nothing. Harvey tried all the usual tactics: late nights at the office, work lunches and dinners even a weekend away in Atlantic City to visit a "client" but the younger man was refusing to talk to him about anything other than their cases. The most discouraging about this was that Harvey knew that during the long silences Mike's mind was to Edith. A conversation with both Donna and Rachel confirmed his suspicion. Mike was depressed; he went straight home from the office and refused any of their attempts to drag him out.

That wasn't Harvey's only problem though. Jessica informed him two days ago that Edward Darby had hired Dana Scott to work at their New York offices. And today, he had to suffer through a meeting welcoming her as senior partner with Mike by his side. And to make matters worse, Donna's info assured him that she hadn't got married.

As the pleasantries came to an end and the other partners and their associates emptied the conference room Scottie turned to him with a mischievous smile.

"So… How are we going to celebrate this?" She leaned over him.

"Dinner?" He needed to play nice.

"Or we can just skip the dinner." Harvey gave her a flirtatious smile but a loud gasp from the door alerted them for Mike's present.

"Excuse me? Can I help you?" Scottie asked straightening up but Mike was looking between them like a deer in the headlights.

"Harvey?" The older lawyer recognized immediately the pleading tone but there wasn't much he could do. No one at the office should know about him and Mike, especially one of Darby's lackeys. As much as he cared about Scottie, she wasn't the most trustworthy person ever. Besides, he had to admit it to himself. He flirted with her… It was hard not to, like a compulsion, especially with Dana. History was history but Mike was Mike and now he had another thing to apologize for and try to explain.

"Scottie, meet my associate Mike Ross."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Ross." They shook hands and Mike gave a shaky smile. "Now if you'll excuse me," she continued, " I'm going to check out my new office. Call me tonight?" she left sending Harvey a wink above her shoulder. The two men immediately locked gazes before Mike all but ran from the room.

Harvey caught up with him outside his office and pushed him inside. He closed the intercom and shut the blinds.

"You need to let me explain."

"Like you let me explain?" Mike let his body fall on the black couch. "Are you going out with her tonight?"

Harvey didn't have time to answer, busy as he was observing the other man. Mike had lost weight and he was always tired nowadays. If he wouldn't see him for himself every day he would be worried he started getting stoned again. But he dismissed that thought as soon as it came. He owed him the benefit of the doubt. Apparently his silence had led the blond to drawn his own conclusions.

"Not that I'm saying you shouldn't. We are obviously not together right now. Who I am to ask you to wait? You can do anything you want… Really… I'm sorry, you just caught me by surprise."

"Mike… Mike! Stop!" He sat next to him and took a deep breath. "You have every right to be upset and I apologize. Just because we are not together right now it doesn't mean that I can do that but you have to give me something here Mike. It's been two months."

"Give you something? What? A blowjob would suffice for tonight then?" He got up and started pacing.

"No! Christ!" Harvey shot to his feet. "What the hell is wrong with you? You know that's not what I meant!"

Mike all but collapsed back onto the couch. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Harvey knelt before him and took his hands in his. "I wish you would stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. I just… No one else should know about this Mike until I figure out what to do with Darby. Jessica and Donna are more than enough."

"And screwing Scottie would lead the suspicions away?"

"I'm not going to sleep with Scottie… I love you Mike but you need to tell me now. Do you just need a little more time or you think that you'll never forgive me and that it's over? If it's the first then you can have all the time in the world. But if it's the latter we have to stop this, here. I know I screwed up but it's not fair letting me hope."

"If we were to get back together would it again be only inside our homes?"

"What are you asking me Mike?"

"Will you ever tell anyone about us or I'm going to be your secret."

"I'm not ashamed of you, if that's what the issue is here."

"But you are not comfortable about it either."

Harvey shook his head. "If you can have all the time you need don't I deserve a fraction of that time too?"

Mike understood deep in his heart what Harvey was saying. And the truth is he had already forgiven him but he was so scared to trust him again. He wasn't ready to come out either; last thing he needed around here was for the other associates to start talking that he slept his way to the top. The only difference here was that if Harvey was ready to give the green light he would follow him to the end. He knew though that if it was the other way around Harvey would keep saying no. God, he wished grams was there… She would know what to say to make it all better. From his end, Edith was the only other person who knew about him and Harvey. With her gone, he kept crying himself to sleep every night. He had no family left. Except for Harvey for a little while back there.

Through his whirlwind of thoughts one thing was clear though. He still loved Harvey and, ready or not, he needed him in his life. So if he wanted something he was going to give him something.

"Don't go out with Dana Scott tonight."

Harvey smiled and gave him a chaste kiss that left him shivering.

"OK…OK…"

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Thanks for reading folks! I'm open to suggestions. What would you like to see next?


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

A knock on the door woke Mike up the next morning. _"What the hell? It's 10am!" _Harvey had given him the day off after the whole Scottie debacle yesterday and he had promised him to get some rest so that was ruling him out. He picked up his T-shirt from the floor and managed to put it on sleepily before answering the door to find Jessica Pearson in all her glory.

"Good morning Mr. Ross"

"Jessica" he stepped back and motioned her inside. He hastily emptied the couch from all the junk and dropped them to the floor but she preferred to stand, leaving Mike looking around awkwardly.

"What can I do for you?"

"I've arranged for Dana Scott and Harvey to appear together at our annual charity event tomorrow night" she cut to the chase, blunt as always. Mike's jaw dropped to the floor. Harvey had told him that Jessica knew about them so what the hell was she playing at? What the hell Harvey was playing at?

"And he accepted?"

"He doesn't know yet. All he knows is that he is required to make an appearance. The rest of it I've planned with Scottie."

"Why?"

"There is a rumor going around that mommy and daddy are heading for a divorce. We need to show that Pearson-Darby is as united as possible."

"By using Harvey and Scottie as the model couple… Something he could never do with me right?"

"This has nothing to do with you Mike. I'm just doing you the courtesy to know beforehand. There will be some things you won't like watching and I want you to know that it won't be Harvey's fault."

"Because you care about me all of a sudden!" Mike scoffed.

"Because I was wrong and I'm sorry." She replied firmly. "Harvey cares for you a great deal and I've already caused him enough distress where it comes to you. Despite what you may think he is my friend and I want him to be OK."

"But what must be done, must be done…" he mumbled.

"Mike I mean it." She softened. "I'm going to take care of this and get rid of Darby but, meanwhile, I need Harvey to keep playing ball. It's not going to take long now."

"He could help you, you know. He WOULD help you…We both would."

"I never doubted it for a second but Darby has all eyes on you two after what happened with the merger. He's been prying open your case files for months. If he even suspected that something's going on, then game over."

"That's why Harvey didn't want anyone to know about us!" It dawned on Mike.

"I never told him anything but let's be honest... He's Harvey… If anyone was going to figure out what is going on that would be him."

"Or Donna…"

"Most likely Donna." Jessica smiled. "I'm just glad he had the presence of mind to stay out of it."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because after what I did you deserve to know. And because I trust you to keep a clear head better than I trust Harvey."

"What exactly you need me to do Jessica?"

"Nothing, I've got it covered. Just… Don't take tomorrow night out on Harvey."

"I'll do my best."

She nodded in gratitude and left Mike alone to contemplate but something didn't feel right.

"Wait!" Mike stopped her at the door. "Why did Scottie accept to do it?"

"She's in love with him."

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Thanks everybody! I try and update as soon as I can :-)


	7. Chapter 7

This is the final chapter and is slightly longer. Thank you all who read/followed/favorite/reviewed this story. Always looking forward to different opinions.

Warning for this chapter: M/M action

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CHAPTER 7

Knowing what was happening didn't help Mike deal with it any better. Scottie was beautiful in her green gown and her radiant smile, draped all over Harvey. And Harvey was smiling too. Not his usual smirk, but a soft, gentle smile as he was parading her around and introducing each other to other people. They owned the room and they were perfect together.

Donna and Rachel hadn't left his side all night but there was nothing they could do. Maybe the redhead already knew what was going on but Rachel was as clueless as ever. If she didn't know about him and Harvey, how can Mike even begin to explain why he was so upset and drowning his sorrows in liquor? Jessica threw him an apologetic look when Harvey tilted his head back and let out a full belly laugh after Dana whispered something in his ear. He needed to run and hide.

…

Donna left Mike's side only once during the night and only to give Harvey a piece of her mind.

"Scottie would you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to Harvey about something that came up."

"Of course. See you in a bit." Scottie smiled and Donna dragged her boss away from prying eyes and ears.

"What do you think you are doing? Shouldn't you, oh I don't know… Tone it down a little?"

"What did I do now?"

"What did you do? You son of a bitch! Mike is standing right there and you've been flirting with her all night! What happened to this being just business when I told you about Jessica's plan?"

Harvey froze and started recapping the night in his mind.

"Shit! How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad, considering the love of your life is about to need a liver transplant."

"Come on, give me a break… Mike is having me on hold for ever, I just got carried away a bit. It's not like anything is going to happen with me and Scottie."

"But Mike doesn't know that! You meant the world to that kid and you broke his heart and now you are telling me that you can't keep your hormones in check just because you haven't gotten laid for a couple of months? I love you Harvey, but Mike deserves better than that. Either set the record straight or tell him that it's over. He might fall apart but he'll pick himself up much easier than getting through this. Honestly! You wonder why he can't make himself trust you again" she finished her rant and remained still as stone expecting a reply. Harvey chanced a look Mike's way and saw him standing miserably in a corner, drink in his hand, his eyes trailing Scottie and his shoulders slumped and felt a pang of guilt.

"I'll revert back to the first plan. Strictly business."

"You do that…" She stepped away from him and Harvey returned to Dana's side. He didn't stand a chance though as, when he reached her, she reached up at the same time and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. Without thinking, he pressed his lips back and the next time he looked up Mike was all but running outside and Donna was sending him disapproving looks.

…

_"__Stupid! How could I be so stupid! Of course Harvey doesn't love me! Of course he wouldn't wait for me. I should have never gone back to work. He is with her and they are both laughing at me! Was Jessica just trying to warn me about this? Stupid! He is Harvey Specter and you are nobody! He told you himself…"_

A knock and somebody shouting his name interrupted Mike's internal monologue.

"Mike! I know you are in there! Just open the door and let me talk to you, please… Baby, just please…"

Mike walked to his door but didn't open it. He didn't think he could keep his peace of mind if he had to look at his lover (_"Ex-lover", _his mind supplied) right now. He rested his forehead against the wood and took a deep breath.

"Did you sleep with her?"

"No… I came straight to find you, I promise."

"It's been 4 hours!" Mike yelled incredulous.

"I came straight to you as soon as I could leave the party. When I saw you leaving I woke up Mike. I saw the chance of losing you for real and I couldn't do it." Silence. "Open the door Mike."

"You know, I came in there thinking that you would only be keeping up a façade. But it wasn't just that, was it?"

"No… No it wasn't. But it didn't mean anything… Not to me."

"You kissed her."

Mike heard a loud thud; Harvey had slammed his head on the door too.

"I did. I could say to you that I was just caught by surprise but I should have known better. I've been feeding the fire all night and I'm sorry. I should have seen it coming."

"Because she loves you."

"I don't know. Maybe she does in her own way."

"Do you love her?"

"Yeah Mike. I do."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." Harvey's answer was firm and without hesitation.

"Do you love me more than you love her?"

"Always Mike…Always…I just…I miss you ok? I feel so alone and I could go with her tonight and end things with you, take the easy way out, but I didn't. I'm here instead, talking to you through a stupid door. What does that tell you?"

"Harvey…" Mike's voice broke.

"Open the door Mike."

Harvey heard the door unlock and he looked up. Mike was in his boxers and a t-shirt, his eyes red and his cheeks with dried tear marks. He was staring at him unsure, like he was waiting for Harvey to tell him what to do, to put him back on track. Harvey himself wasn't faring better. Tie askew, the two top buttons unbuttoned and his jacket forgotten hopefully in Ray's car.

"Come here," he opened his arms and Mike fell in them and held on tight.

"If you don't want this anymore tell me… Promise me that you'll tell me yourself Harvey."

"I promise baby." He started peppering his neck and face with gentle kisses like he was handling something fragile. Maybe he was. He lowered his hands softly from Mike's shoulders to his sides and finally he entwined their fingers and led him to the bedroom, kicking the front door close behind them.

They stood in front of the bed, silently observing each other and only their palms touching until Harvey gave in and took a step closer. He lifted the blond's t-shirt up and over his head and knelt in front of him. His finger's touched his waistline and worked themselves slowly inside his boxers, Harvey's lips always in contact with Mike's stomach, feeling the trembling vibrations with his mouth. He pushed them down his hips and Mike, dazed, stepped out of them and stood naked in front of him. The older man placed an open-mouthed kiss on the inside of his left thigh and stood up to face him.

"Tell me to stop."

"I can't."

Harvey gave him a soft smile at this. Not like the one he was using with Scottie earlier but a more loving, more intimate one. Mike wondered why he hadn't noticed that before._"Blinded by jealousy."_

Harvey bent down to kiss him again, still chastely, and Mike's hands found their way into his hair and pulled him closer. The older lawyer picked him up, never breaking the kiss, and laid him on the bed.

"Off!" Mike said impatiently tagging at the other man's tie and shirt. Harvey chuckled but did as he was told. The tie was off first, then shirt, pants and briefs, all thrown on the floor until he was completely naked. Mike spread his legs and Harvey knelt between them, covering the thinner man's body completely with his. They both let out a groan at the contact.

"God, I missed you so much. Don't you ever do that to me Mike…Never again."

"It's not only up to me."

Harvey smiled sweetly at him and stole another kiss.

"No it's not."

He bent down as Mike lifted up and the kisses became more frantic, more desperate.

"I want you…I want you so much." Harvey replied to Mike's plea with a thrust of his hips, pushing their groins together. The blond let out a soft moan like crying and his head fell back on the pillows.

"Shh, I've got you baby…I've got you." Harvey reached inside the nightstand and pulled out condoms and some lube. He deftly coated his fingers and nudged Mike's thighs to open more. When he pushed the first finger in, Mike's hole clenched around him and Harvey groaned, resting his forehead on his lover sweaty hip.

"Harvey…"

Harvey started pushing his finger in and out and soon they became two, scissoring the younger man apart until Mike caught his hand and stopped him.

"I'm ready, please…I need you now…"

Harvey didn't have the strength to reply. He simply nodded and reached for the condom but Mike stopped him again. They stared at each other until Harvey thought _fuck it_ and he pushed in with a single, quick thrust. Mike could feel his whole being stretching to accommodate Harvey.

"God you are so tight…I missed this…Missed being inside you…Missed your stupid puppy eyes…Every little sound…Missed you." He started thrusting in earnest, certain that he wouldn't last long and wanting to take Mike there with him. It was their first time with skin on skin contact and Mike felt amazing around him.

He angled his hips and found his prostate, the head of his cock nudging the little band of nerves with every thrust. Mike's little _ah ah ah's _with each thrust were driving Harvey crazy. He pulled out and, with an abrupt move, turned the lighter man on his stomach and slid back in. The extra friction of his cock against the sheets gave Mike more edge and soon he was backing his hips to meet Harvey's and drove them back again to fuck the mattress.

"Come on sweetheart. Come…" Thrust thrust thrust… "Come for me Mike."

And Mike did with a soft "Harvey" leaving his lips, collapsing on the bed. Harvey took hold of his hips and locked them on the mattress, his own thrust now more erratic as Mikes walls were still convulsing around him. He bit down on Mike's shoulder to hide his scream as he came, filling his lover's hole and collapsing on top of him.

Mike squirmed underneath him after a few moments when he felt Harvey's come dripping out of his body.

"Sticky" he murmured and Harvey chuckled, placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck and pulled out.

He reached for his own shirt to clean them up but Mike rolled on his back and stopped him.

"I thought you were sticky."

"Mmm…You were just heavy." Mike said sleepily, lifted Harvey's arm and curled around him. Harvey nudged his chin with his nose.

"Don't fall asleep on me Mike. We need to talk about this." Mike opened one eye and Harvey almost chocked from the cuteness.

"Since when Harvey Specter wants to talk about it?"

"Since he screwed up when he didn't."

Mike sat up and pulled his legs towards his chest as Harvey turned to look at him supporting his head with an elbow.

"It wasn't the thing with the merger you know," Mike said after a beat, "nor what you said to me about loyalty and betrayal. I really believed that we'll get past that once you'd let me explain."

"And you came to find me to do that."

Mike nodded. "I did. I wasn't actually expecting to solve anything that night. I just needed to see you, try and calm you down so you could maybe listen to me the next time we'd see each other. I told myself that I'd keep trying every day if I had to."

"But you didn't."

Mike shook his head.

"Because I said you were nobody." Silence. "That's what the issue here is Mike, isn't it?"

Mike took his time trying to find words to explain what Harvey did to him that night.

"Before I met you, even for a while after that, I was a nobody. I was a kid barely keeping a roof above his head and you gave me everything Harvey. When we got together I guess I still had an inferiority complex. I couldn't understand what you of all people were doing with me."

"I get what I want and I never want anything less than perfect. If you know me at all Mike then you should know that."

Mike smiled at that and lay back down, his hand tracing Harvey's sculpted chest in reverence.

"I knew deep in my heart that you cared for me, loved me even. And I was so in love with you I wanted to scream it but I never did. Because you never gave me anything. Even before the whole Darby deal we were never together outside our homes, and on the rare occasion you'd decide to take me out you were always keeping your distance. I didn't know what to do with that."

"And so when I called you a nobody you thought that you deserved it."

"I thought I was being put back in my place."

"Mike…"

"No…You don't have to say anything. I know that it was stupid. I knew you better than that and I knew that I had hurt you. I should have calmed down and think about it again but you cut me out from work too and then grams got sick and died…I just lost it…I was grieving and all I could think about was that you weren't there."

"And you decided that if you couldn't trust me with common decency how could you trust me with anything else. But I didn't know Mike. I had no way of knowing. And if you believe for a second that I'd willingly leave you alone through this…"

"I know…" Mike didn't let him finish. "I was trying to get over it after I came back to work. I was talking myself into giving you another chance but then…"

"Scottie?"

"Yeah…I guess I should have showed a little bit more faith."

"No…You really shouldn't."

"Harvey…"

"No Mike…You said your piece, now shut up and let me say mine." He softened the shut up with a kiss. "Scottie will always be a part of me. But not the best part…Not my favorite part. Because at the end of the day, if you were still in my life I wouldn't think to even look at her again, let alone participate in hers and Jessica's games. But you weren't, and the whole thing just spun out of control. Maybe subconsciously I was trying to make you decide what you wanted; all this waiting was getting on my nerves. But I never set out to hurt you willingly and I guess that's the only defense I have to offer because I'm sorrys are not going to cut it."

"So what now?"

"Jessica informed me that the divorce is final, that's why it took me four hours to get here. Now Mike it will happen whatever you want to happen. If you want out I'll never bother you again. If you want this I'll spend the rest of my life showing you what you mean to me. And if you want the whole world to know I'll personally call every newspaper in the god damn USA."

Mike laughed a clear, happy sound for the first time in months and pulled Harvey on top of him. Harvey smiled back at him in adoration.

"So Darby is out?"

"Yeah."

"And Scottie?"

Harvey hesitated. "She'll work for us."

"So she's staying."

"Yes, but you have nothing to fear. I can't imagine what I could do with someone else if at the end of the day I'll have you to come home to."

Mike smiled shyly and blushed and Harvey couldn't help but kiss him again. He slid back in easily, Mike still slick with come, and this time they made love face to face, fingers intertwined next to their heads, bodies locked in a lazy, unhurried pace.

They were both oblivious to the fact that Jessica, Donna and Scottie were sharing a celebratory drink in Harvey's own office. Someone was going to be pissed tomorrow…Or maybe not so much…

THE END


End file.
